This is what it sounds like when 90s popstars cry: Celebrity dacryphilia fantasies (part 3)

Well, reader. Two weeks ago we had an introduction to dacryphilia and just last week we had an overview of literary dacryphilia. Are you sick to death of wet puns? Are you tired of lame attempts to shoehorn in references to songs with the word ‘cry’ in them? I certainly am. But it’s okay, the end is nigh! In our third and final installment, we’ll take a look at one of the main ways in which those with compassionate interests access crying material: via films and TV.


In last week’s post, I mentioned that rather than watching pornography, Angela M was much more aroused by literary representations of crying. While references to literature are perhaps somewhat under-reported among other individuals that I’ve spoken to, you may remember that Angela M also mentioned the films of Pedro Alomodovar. The world of cinema and television is definitely a big discussion point within compassionate dacryphilia. This is summarised quite neatly by Punkchick, another person who I interviewed back in 2013:

I like watching comforting/crying scenes in normal movies/TV shows. In pornographic material I like videos that involve crying for emotional reasons (not BDSM). For example, people who are unsure of themselves sexually or are scared, because it shows an emotional intimacy.

Although Punkchick talks about pornography here, she draws a clear line from comforting to emotional intimacy via tears. Likewise, she makes the point that films and TV are a great source of crying scenes. The question on everyone’s curled-lips then, is which actors do Punkchick’s co-kinksters find particularly arousing? Crying Lovers forum can provide us with some answers.

Tearful Tom


Okay, let’s start with an obvious one. Tom Hiddleston is an attractive man, so once he starts crying, things can only get fitter. For my money, he’s looking best alongside Tilda Swinton in Only Lovers Left Alive. While the compassionate dacryphilia folk don’t seem to be too into existential vampiric love, they most certainly have seen a number of Tom’s other performances. The Night Manager, Thor and High Rise all get mention. Let’s turn to one forum user’s description of Mr Hiddleston’s recorded performance in the play Coriolanus:

Hiddleston has a pretty amazing extended crying scene at the end of Part 2 that includes tears, an adorable lip quiver, and some light sobbing as well. Here as elsewhere, I think he looks particularly great with tears in his eyes. I also think the fact that this is all happening live onstage really adds to the appeal.

In this example, there’s a clear focus on the physical aspects of crying – we’ve got tears, sobbing and the lip quiver. Indeed, the mention of a lip quiver reminds me of what I’ve previously termed ‘curled-lip dacryphilia’. As such, this user might be better characterised as having a curled-lip interest. It’s also quite interesting how the user refers to the appeal of this performance happening live onstage. Again, since dacryphilia may be a difficult kink to experience in real life, a theatre perfomance provides something that might come as close to the real deal as possible.

Sobbing Snape


Our next actor moves away from the obvious charm of Tom Hiddleston. But let’s be clear – Alan Rickman is a G (as in ‘Gruber‘). This time, another forum user answers a question about the last crying scene that turned them on by describing a scene from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, featuring none other than Professor Snape:

I love the way the tear on his face was the sole focus of capturing his memory. Then his extreme love for Lily, and, after all that, his breakdown over Lily’s death and his hidden love for Harry. Just perfect. Especially since I have always loved his character and thought from the very beginning that he was just an extremely troubled but sympathetic man.

And there is nothing better than an extremely troubled man who eventually breaks down and reveals his sensitive side. 😉

Here, we get closer to compassionate dacryphilia territory. There’s talk about the tear, but it’s more about the character of the man. Snape is incredibly intense in his love for Harry Potter’s mum – so much that he experienced a breakdown after her death and unconditionally loves her son. This sort of description is reminiscient of the literary characters that Angela M outlines. We have a passionate man who loses control of his emotions as a result of romantic love. For this user, the idea of a troubled man revealing his sensitive side is the ultimate turn on. She can view his tears, but is also given the opportunity to comfort him. However, it’s also worth noting that this user earlier refers to Alan/Snape as “one of the sexiest actors/characters I’ve ever seen”. So physical attraction may also play a role.

Bawling Brian


This last one is pretty leftfield. East 17 had their heyday way back in the day. And Brian Harvey has experienced a number of issues along the years that have led to him – rather unfairly – being subject to mockery, instead of sex-star status. So naturally, I’m quite intrigued by the following forum user’s comment:

So, I’m not that into Brian Harvey, but used to like East17 when I was a young teenager. So, the other day I was watching some documentaries about them splitting up, and one of them was about the terrible accident that nearly cost him his life. If you go to 34. minute of the clip you can see him going back to the place where it all happened. He talks for a while but you can hear his voice breaking. He stops talking and turns to the other side. He tries very hard to keep his composure and not break down, but a single tear rolls down his cheek. And there’s a glimpse of his crying expression which I find beautiful. For some reason this really got me, although I don’t find him attractive at all. I’m so glad he let us see that.

The last part of this comment exemplifies the essence of compassionate dacryphilia. In spite of the lack of attraction, Brian’s single tear really got to the user. For me, this is what compassionate dacryphilia is all about. It’s not always good looks, it’s not necessarily a physical attraction – it’s the raw emotion of a man opening up and allowing others to view that sadness. This is where the compassion lies. Without the expression and openness, those with compassionate interests just can’t engage with the comforting instinct that drives their identities.

The end of the dacrytrilogy

On that note, we end the dacryphilia trilogy. Ever heard of eproctophilia? I’ll let you look it up. In all honesty, it’s a load of hot air, but I may well do a similar run on this fetish sometime next year…


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